What is Couple Therapy?
We all have our issues, quirks, and subtle strains of madness. The key is finding someone who is mad in a way you can tolerate and even learn to cherish over time.
There are so many approaches to couple’s work, but researchers have found that what goes on in couple therapy boils down to five principles:
Changing Views of the Relationship. Our templates for relationships are laid down through our earliest caregivers, for better or for worse. In couple therapy you may gain a new perspective or lens to view yourself and your partner.
Modifying Dysfunctional Behavior. Sometimes we have to act ourselves into new ways of feeling - about ourselves or our partner. There are behaviors that have been empirically proven to kill a relationship. A good couple therapist is going to guide you toward more healthy and flexible ways of relating that avoids these common relationship killers.
Decreasing Emotional Avoidance. The fight, disagreement, or chronic dissatisfaction with a partner is rarely about a surface issue. Often it’s the vulnerable core emotion we don’t want to feel that drives our anxiety and defenses, wreaking havoc on our intimacy. With sensitivity and pacing, couple therapy allows you to identify the dance of emotional avoidance, create safety in the relationship, and engage from a place of vulnerability and strength.
Improving Communication. Here’s the thing: we are always communicating in our relationships. Subtle cues, gestures, interpersonal pressure, and silence are all powerful ways to communicate. Oftentimes those things are ways of avoiding making our needs and feelings known more directly. In couple therapy, you’ll learn to make your needs explicit and clearly communicate your emotions, fears, and wishes in a clear way.
Promoting Relationship Strengths. Couple therapy isn’t all about what’s wrong. All couples have strengths they bring into therapy (commitment, shared spirituality or purpose, complimentary strengths) and couple therapy uses these to work on weaker areas of the relationship.
Couple therapy works by addressing these main aspects of intimate relationships. It’s hard work, and it’s worth the investment.
